Friday, July 22, 2005

4:16 AM-What am I doing here?

It's 4:16 AM, I'm awake. I miss Mike sleeping next to me. Elena is a thrasher. My feet hurt, the bones inside. Side effect of the lupus or arthritis? They look the same as usual, just ache.

Dinner was fine, Olive Garden, no my fav, but Elena picked it. Eggplant Parmesan.....okay.

After dinner, my mom wanted to stop by the mall (of course, always the add on). Anyway, I got Elena's new glasses readjusted so they weren't sliding down her nose constantly. Then my mom hit me with "let's look for some clothes for you for our trip". I said no, she insisted as a birthday present (9/01). She helped me look through clothes and then she saw me hit the "clearance rack". She told me "no" and pointed to full price. She claims she hates how I buy my clothes at Old Navy or Target, mostly on clearance and she doesn't care for what I pick out. Too plain, just T-shirts, etc. Ulterior motive with the clothes I guess. It was hot, I didn't want to be there. I tried on about 30 things and was amazed how big my ass and stomach have gotten. The whole time my mother is saying to me "it'll come off soon, give it time". Argh! Anyway, after much arguing over her spending the money, she insisted on buying something, so I got a Liz Claiborne outfit (capris that turn to pants and a top), an Indian peasant top and a lime green (muted) layered t-shirt. I have to say, it did feel good not to look at the price tag for once. My mom then bitched at how little I spent on clothing, etc. I tried to explain, and thought she would understand since she was a SAHM for a long time, clothing wasn't important. Elena had plenty, but Mike and I spend very little on clothing (except for his work clothes). We buy name brands, just only when they're on sale or on clearance. I'm home all day with Elena, outside, cooking, etc. I can stain a shirt in about 20 seconds-- Yes, I would like some new dress clothes I admitted, but shorts, jeans, tees, flip flops, Red Dog shoes, it was who I was. Perhaps the clothing isn't as flattering for my physique as it should be, but nothing is hanging out, stuffed in tightly or bulging----let it go, I told her.

Anyway, I don't know if it was all the clothing trying on or the heat in the mall or PMS, but I started feeling a stomach ache coming in and just announced I didn't feel good and wanted to leave. Just then Elena started on how: "she didn't get to the pet store", "didn't ride the roller coaster simulator ride", etc. I finally convinced them both I felt ill and we left. I dropped my mom off and raced home in time to be sick to my stomach and tied up in the bathroom for two hours. Now, my tummy is rumbling, it still hurts, I'm really tired, but cannot sleep and I still have PMS. Aunt Flo is two days late, but coming, I know it. I have that upset stomach, bitchy, crampy, boobs hurt, headache, short-tempered, achy hips joints (a sign for me, also is some hormonal thing I'm told)-just blah!

I miss Mike, I need to spoon him so his warmth is on my stomach. I want a hug-

Oh yeah, my mom is coming over tomorrow to swim. I'm surprised she's doing it, but she's insisting. It's raining here tonight, another shocker. It wasn't calling for rain, but "whoop-here it is".

I've really rambled on a bit here, lack of sleep, achiness and just the need for a little alone time drove me here. Now it's time for something to drink, snack and back to bed. Elena will be up early and I will be dragging butt tomorrow.

11 comments:

Kari said...

*hugs*

The Shrone said...

hey, it's 5:30 am for me, so I guess sleepless nights for all? Pooky came home and I snapped awake.

Aunt Flo hasn't come for since the surgery. She'll either come back with a vegence or not at all. Right now I'd send you my amenorrhea if I could as it sounds like you really could use it!

Hugs, and more hugs!

Kimberly said...

Hope that you feel better soon (i.e. auntie flo arrives finally and then leaves quickly) and that you were able to get a little bit of sleep! I hate the nights that its impossible to fall asleep...knowing that you have to get up soon makes it worse because you start to worry about waking up...Argh! Anyways *hugs* to you!

ladylinoleum said...

You are playing my tune woman...

Natalie said...

Oh man, I just *hate* days like that! I hope all the yukiness passes soon!

*hugs*

Kathy said...

If y'all want Aunt Flo I can tell you where she is...right here! From Dec 31 to begining of Feb nonstop, then 3 weeks on, one week of PMS and back again for 3. Oh, and this is with an IUD to stop the periods. Steriods suck, but I happen to like walking.NOW doc says I'm a candidate for hysterectomy, but do I have the time and money?

Jessica said...

Hope you feel better!

Faith said...

I hate days like that. Too bad you aren't a little closer, you could jump in the hot tub, that would help all those aches.

Your package is going out Monday, chickadee.

Marla said...

*Hugs* here too... I can't sleep either. Scott is home tonight and he's been a pain all day. Not sure what his problem is. Kind of lonely tonight even though he's here so I'm on the puter. Who else do you talk to at 4am???

Donna said...

I totally understand how you're feeling. For me, no pms means major cramps and vice versa. *Hugs* here too!

Jessi said...

oh *hugs* to you...big ones. I hate days like that, and the complaining about your clothes probably didn't help. I so know what you mean about staining clothes as soon as you put them on. Almost everything I own has one somewhere it seems. Baby puke is the latest of my fashion accesories. hang in there woman.

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